Boston, MA – Goodbye Brad Pitt. Goodbye Ryan Gosling. Goodbye Gaylor Tautner. Your careers as you know them are over. I used to waste my time projecting bitterness and jealousy towards these guys. Like, “Oh, word on the street in H-wood is that Brad has really bad acne.” Or, “I don’t know how Ryan Gosling gets a pass, his glass eye is constantly fixed on the horizon.” If you don’t believe me, please watch “The Ides of March” and try not to get motion sickness from watching his eye floating all over the fucking place. Once you see it, Ladies or Gayers, you’ll never look away, and his devilish little smirk will no longer make your panties or Beckham briefs sop like it once did.

Now, I know I’ve been beating this horse dead all week, but Channing Tatum is now “IT.” There is no denying it anymore. If you recall from our earlier blog, this guy not only has a ripped body, but it honestly looks like he has a Sea Otter living in his underpants. No more sleepless nights for me in early February waiting for Punxatawney Phil. From now on, if Channing Tatum’s dick comes out and sees its’ own shadow, you better keep your mittens and snow shovels at the ready. After seeing the picture below, any woman would be insane to get on her knees and prepare to service him, unless she wants to run the risk of being buried alive under a balls and cockalanche.

Quite frankly, I’m tired of listening to my wife tell me she rarely comes here because there are never any polls for women. So here we go, just for her, here’s a poll designed for our female readers. “But Martin, isn’t this a desperate attempt to have women forward the link around so your blog spreads like a Vagirus?” You bet your sweet ass it is.

 

 

(Thanks to Boston Sean for continual IT expertise, insight, suggestions and ideas that have been spot on every time. Also, sorry to Boston Sean that this “Thank you” had to come directly beneath Channing Tatum’s helmet)