Boston, MA – By now, it’s no secret that I know some talented people. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m friends with an award-winning, world famous cartoonist who is such a big deal that he’s literally signing titties at Comic-Con in San Diego at this very moment. Out of respect for our friendship, and his profession, he asked that I not use his name in our infantile, off-colored blog, so he shall unfortunately remain nameless for the time being (it’s Dan Piraro, of “Bizarro.”) From there, the talent pool among my friends admittedly gets a bit thin. Yeah, a few of my buddies would knock your dick in the dirt in beer pong. My friend Curley will drop pitching wedge approaches all over the green with the same finesse and accuracy of Ron Jeremy making it rain. But now, a friend of a friend of a friend’s friend, Tim Nihan of Pipe Dream Music comes out and drops this musical bomb right on your dick. Kaboom. “Playa Shit”, featuring Mikey T and Top Billion, is the kind of song that makes me want to roll the windows down in my base-model Camry, cruise down the Mass Pike, and then punch a toll booth employee in the face. Not because the music makes me violent, it’s not like that at all, it’s just that the state promised (lol) the tolls would be removed back in, like, 1987 or some shit. Actually, blogging this reminds me that I should ask Top Billion if he kinda ripped off my rap name “Top Thousand”, but I’ve been focusing my musical efforts on more like laid back R & B. We’re cool provided he doesn’t use any of my dope rhymes, like “them yoga pants, we know, is hidin’ that box, they make my dick twitch like it’s Michael J. Fox.”
Now this begs the question, do I consider myself a musician? I don’t know, you tell me. Here’s an original song about Mother Nature and the glorious gifts she bestows on us, and it’s titled “Jenny Dell From NESN Has Outrageous Gravy Bags.”
Here’s another original song that some of you hopeless romantics may enjoy. It’s a love ballad about a girl I’ve never met named Stacy, and it’s called “Those Three Fucking Idiots From Somerset Tried To Rob A Tanning Salon.”
And now, ladies and gentlemen, a man that fairly soon will no longer need an introduction (and promised to use his royalties to someday buy me a Segway provided I promise not to drive it off a cliff like the dickhead that invented the Segway), Tim Nihan. This jam has Summer 2012 written all over it. Hit play and turn, that, shit, UP.