"The irony of my last name is not lost on me, gracias."

Boston, MA – Arriba! If I told you the Richest Man in the world was Mexican, what would you say? Would you immediately think I was referring to the CEO of Qdoba? Well shame on you. Introducing Carlos Slim, who as the CEO of Telmex Communications remains the richest man in the world for the second straight year. Until now, Mexico was known for manufacturing and exporting such items to America as tequila, cocaine, pinatas, tamales and people. This accomplishment by Slim is great for Mexico, not only from a business standpoint, but also for a tourism industry recently marred by seemingly random daytime beheadings. Finally, Mexico can be considered a powerhouse and an equal with America, who has quickly become known around the world as “Mexico’s Hat.” The days of roaming the streets of Mexico as a drunken American, making “hee haw” noises and throwing pesos at every day citizens, demanding they dance around a souvenir sombrero while shaking maracas for us are over.

It is rather ironic that Mexico is not only the home to the richest man in the world, but also the poorest. As you sit there on your taint and mashed up balls (or vag), there’s a guy in Mexico City right now having lunch by dunking a roll he found in “Guadalajara Chowder”, which is a fancy culinary term for donkey piss. That right there is the true meaning of the word ‘recession’, not like today’s outrageous American interpretation, where you’re texting “OMG I can’t believe this recession” from your iPhone because they raised the price of raspberry scones at Starbucks.

Side note: I once saw Carlos Slim’s boat while summering in Puerta Vallarta. I asked my water taxi driver “Who’s boat is that?” and he told me it was Carlos Slim’s. Still driving five minutes later, I said “Now who’s boat is this?” and he goes “That is the same boat, Señor.” One thing I would advise against is calling the driver of your water taxi “El Capitan.” Even though you think it’s a compliment and show of respect for his profession, this is roughly the equivalent of getting into a cab in Boston and saying “Step on it, Mohammad.”

(Pictured below is Carlos Slim’s weekend boat, which, in terms color, reminds me of my Sunfish on the Cape)

"El Fabrica De Carne" (English Translation: "Blowjob Factory")