Man Charged With Stealing Tom Brady’s Shirt From The Patriots Hall of Fame

Would it be okay if I wore the shirt for the mug shot?

FOXBORO (CBS) – A Rhode Island man is accused of stealing items from the Patriots Hall of Fame at Gillette Stadium – but he didn’t get very far. The man was captured in the parking lot wearing a game-worn Tom Brady jersey.

On Thursday, Foxboro Police Officer Joseph Godino and Sgt. David Foscaldo helped Patriots security find 33-year-old Zanini Cineus of Providence in the plaza parking lot. He was allegedly wearing the stolen Brady jersey under his jacket. Foxboro Police said Cineus stole other memorabilia as well.

He was arrested and charged with larceny. He reportedly pleaded not guilty at his arraignment in Wrentham District Court. According to the Attleboro Sun Chronicle, the Brady jersey is worth $10,000.

I feel like we need more information on this, with regards to the lack of security at the Patriots Hall of Fame. I’ve actually never been there, nor have I been to any other Halls of Fame, nor could you pay me to go to any of them. Can you imagine going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, where they must have solid security, and the guide is like “These are the black leather pants Gene Simmons wore during the Kiss farewell tour. Ah yes, here we have Vince Neil’s assless chaps. Just to your right are a couple of Mick Jagger’s tank tops. Of course, we put these items in a glass case so they can’t be stolen, but also so no one catches HPV.”

Think about it: How much fun do you suppose you’d have at the Basketball Hall of Fame? You’re gonna walk around for hours looking at a couple of pairs of Chuck Taylors, and the original peach basket they used for a hoop? The whole time they’re playing looping audio of basketballs going “swish” thru a net, and the unmistakable sound of sneaker soles chirping off wooden floors? If the guide asks if there are any questions, I’d be like “yes, could you direct me to the gun exhibit now because I’d like to take my own life.”

Anyway, I demand answers to this question: Who is in charge of security at the Patriots Hall of Fame, Paul Blart? Isn’t Tom Brady’s shirt(s) locked in a glass case and mounted on a wall thirty feet off the floor, that way when people look at it they are also kind of looking up at heaven? How did a commoner walk into this place, and simply try on a $10,000 shirt like he was in a fucking TJ Maxx? You think someone can just walk into Dollywood and try on one of the bras? This is an outrage!

This theft is the same thing as someone going into the L’ouvre and walking out wearing Jesus Christ’s sandals. Using that same Patriots Hall of Fame level of security, they’d be like “woah, someone walked off with Jesus’ Birkenstocks”, then by the time they find the guy he’s out in the parking lot listening to Phish and playing hacky sack.

I will not rest peacefully until someone is fired for this. You want to take a little nap in the security booth while someone steals Steve Grogan’s neck roll or John Hannah’s jockstrap, be my guest, but you guard Tom Brady’s shirt like your god damned life depends on it.

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